Immortality, Kant, Descartes and Expensive Sandwiches

The other day I woke up to two rather strong and rather different feelings. Firstly, almost painful hunger (which, as a matter of fact, was what had woken me up) and secondly the realisation that I had only one week left as an official resident of Switzerland. Now interestingly, in that painful moment, this thought was one of relief because this country had caused my poorly state, more precisely the horrendous prices of food, which, the evening before, had forced me to have a much smaller dinner than I needed. And with that, the first two sentences are over. LOL. I feel like Kafka. 

This will make more sense later.

No but seriously, 8.90 franks (that’s roughly 6 pounds) for one small sandwich? It was so shocking I almost turned into a bug. (Bug- Kafka – get it?) Since I had just completed a 2h swimming session with my old team and was rather knackered, I went pretty much straight to bed and well you know the rest of the story. So. One week left. This whole week I have been in a magical state of nostalgia, which was only briefly interrupted on Tuesday due to things that happen to women once a month. I cried all day and hated my life. Oh hormones I love you. Interestingly, I have a friend who until high school believed that all women have their period contemporaneously, namely at the end of each calendar month. The same friend and I also invented a special day called “oxygen saving day” where every once in a while the participants hold their breath for 60s in order to reduce the consumption of oxygen on our planet. Oh yeah and then there was also the “day of ancient roman maths” where you had to use roman numerals in maths class. This can create delicious amounts of confusion, for example with a^II which is a², but can easily be confused with a¹¹. 

As will this.

Yes, high school life was bliss. Not to mention that time maths class was interrupted due to a massive penis-shaped vibrator, which that same friend had placed in my bag and switched on (It was my 18^th birthday present). So you see where I’m going. As I’m leaving Switzerland for good/the next four years/until I get fed up of my PhD and quit, I’m reflecting over the past 23.9 years and thinking… What were the times I will remember forever? What have I learned? What do I want to achieve during my PhD years? Now I could list a bunch of awesome moments but to be frank It would probably bore you to death. Who likes reading nice things anyway? Humans prefer drama. Or satire. Or bullshit. So here it is, my list of 10 lessons life- both in Switzerland and in the UK- has taught me in the last years. You can add your pinch of salt if you wish.

1)   Milk serum can be used to produce a really nice soft drink. However, only Swiss people seem to carry the gene encoding the receptor that makes this drink appear tasty.

2)   It is acceptable to have fondue and raclette all year round.

3)   Skiing with burning torches will burn holes into your ski jacket. Don’t do it.

4)   Stealing can be (sort of) socially acceptable, namely in the case of “souvenirs” from planes, hotels and formal college dinners.

5)   It is acceptable to be jealous of someone else’s university just because they have a better pool. Right?

6)   Cycling in heels is actually very doable and removes the necessity of carrying a pair of shoes in your bag. Genius.

7)   Drinking an entire bottle of wine during a dinner is not excessive.

8)   Descartes is like an onion.

9)   Pokémon cards with sparkly bits are worth soooo much more than normal ones. Like. If you don’t have any you may as well jump off the bridge.

10)                  As long as I’m alive I’m technically immortal.

And as the immortal being that I am I have now packed my suitcase for my next adventure: PhD. I have included some vital items such as Das Wohltemperierte Klavier, my mini moka pot, 1kg of Swiss chocolate (Ask kindly and I may share some with you), my new fondue caquelon and a cast model of my teeth. The latter will be used for modern art purposes. Yes. Let the graduate student times begin.