Cora vs America: The next level.

Some people travel to the US and A because of buzzing urban centers like NYC and LA. Others come looking for the grand natural beauty of Yosemite or Yellowstone.  And then there are people like me, whose obsession is to find the bizarre and freaky, of which I dare say there is plenty there.

I arrived in New York City at JFK and was obviously greeted by American flags. But one flag is never enough here. In fact, I have come up with the following hypothesis: No matter where in the USA you are, there will be at least one flag visible in your 360 degree radius. You may use field glasses. He or she who proves me wrong is invited to Five Guys for dinner. Or Shake Shack. Or Chipotle. Which brings us to an important American tragedy: Food. First up: Turkey bacon as tasted at a local brunch place. Looks like bacon. Tastes like shit. Why. Why not just have normal bacon. Why. Apart from that, where do we find the most freaky stuff? In supermarkets. Most days we went to buy ingredients at this place called Stop and Shop. Not sure how you would shop without at least stopping once but never mind. There is obviously a huge flag in the entrance/exit area.

oh 'murica

But that’s by far not the only huge thing in there. How about TWO LITRE bottles of Gatorade? I propose the hashtag #instadiabetes. 

Right.

Not large in size but hugely disgusting is my all-time most hated American supermarket item, the egg white carton. The rape of eggdom. I have to distract myself now or the entire rest of this post will be about this problem. So let’s move on.

Are we serious?

To this can that has definitely nothing to do with Switzerland.

It's a no from me.

And most likely not with burgers either. And what about this disgusting-looking cheese? I don't even know what to say...

So what do I do when all these encounters begin to rise to my head? I urge my friend to leave. So we drive away. Sadly driving brings us to another infuriating American problem: Cars. Firstly. WHY. DO. YOU. ALL. NEED. SUCH. LARGE. CARS. Global warming anyone? I just wanna shoot myself. But then, if you study the cars on Long Island more carefully, you will discover that size is not their only ridiculous feature. A significant fraction of the local population enjoys spending (probably very significant) money on personalized number plates. Our friend here for example has a fetish for metal rodents.

My guess is that this guy here is a hunter with two favourite targets. Or maybe he’s just mental.

Finally, a very direct statement by this tractor-owner.

I think we should introduce this in the UK. I can think of 100+ nerdy plates for Cambridge professors. You could go quite subtle, for example C6H1206. OMG I want. There is, funnily, one institution related to cars, that I need to praise. The HOV lane. It’s reserved for high occupancy vehicles. High meaning more than one person. But still, it’s a cute attempt.

Apart from cars I also used the Long Island Railway and subway a fair amount. It’s a great service and obviously the employees are very proud to be part of it. And what better way to show this than with some flags?

I'm so glad you do.

I also had the chance to explore new territories thanks to the express trains. Who knew they don’t stop everywhere? I ended up in Harlem. Sadly it wasn’t Christmas 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28Flq-r4jWk
Anyway, using these two means of transportation I explored Manhattan. The MoMa and the MET were, as always, fantastic.

#artgasm

And just walking around NYC. All the skyscrapers, all those basic American girls wearing exactly the same outfits, as if it were a uniform: Black leggings, boots and a Starbucks coffee. Who needs Star Wars, the clone wars are happening right here, on 5^th Avenue!

And then there were also lots of fun times hanging out with Emilis, my #Topbitch. We obviously bought obnoxious matching sweatshirts.

Guess where we've been

We also went for lots of nice brunches and dinners. . I was once more haunted by egg whites, this time reincarnated in the shape of a “special omelet”. When. Will. It. Stop.

Shoot me now.

Another time I was lucky to sample one of the famous New York bagels with cream cheese and lox (brined salmon). Biologists out there, did you ever realize that the name of the Cre-Lox system you mindlessly use in the lab every day actually originates from this divine food item? (CREam cheese LOX, get it?). I know. I was blown away, too. Finally, during one of our many tipsy evenings (Blackberry Pimms. Yes), Emilis explained to me that a man’s pee splits into two streams after ejaculation. Which brings me to an important final point. Yes America is very bizarre and I love sharing my discoveries with you. Yes there are nature and cities but I cross the Atlantic because the USA are home to the wonderful person that is my #Topbitch Emilis. Thanks for existing. And before I get to cringy I will leave you with this magical situation.