Recycle my USB stick

As with salt in bread or health in people, you often only notice the benefits of certain aspects of life when they are gone. In my case, the missed concept is that of the UK mixed recycling bin. That’s right – this blue treasure trove that you find right in front of your house and that you fill with everything from cans, paper, cardboard, glass and at regular intervals it gets emptied by the council. It’s beautiful – magical even. But of course back when I was living in the UK I did not appreciate this blessing. Well let me tell you, I NOW DO! (Hindsight is better than no sight at all, right?) Here is why.

Switzerland has got to have the world’s most tedious system for recycling. In fact, it’s so complicated that when you move here, they provide you with a booklet that explains everything in writing. I have a PhD and I’m still not sure I fully understand the difference between ‘paper’ and ‘cardboard’. Because you see:
Paper bags are actually cardboard. And ‘bits of paper’ (no definition of size. Is A5 a bit? Is a receipt a bit?) are not paper. They belong in the regular bin. Envelopes, however, are paper. "But what if they are tiny and in fact smaller than a bit of paper?" you ask. Nobody knows. What I do know is that every two weeks I’m meant to TIE up my paper (without bits) into a bundle using actual string and leave it on the street for collection. The same happens with cardboard but less frequently (cardboard includes paper bags, but you are NOT to leave the cardboard out in said bags. No no. The same tying business applies. Bits of cardboard seem to be allowed but you may want to check with a lawyer to be sure. What I find outrageous is the use of string. My back of the envelope (=paper, even if tiny) calculation suggests that with 3.8 million households in Switzerland, and an estimate of a 10 cm stack of paper using 150 cm of string each, every two weeks this country uses 5.700 km of string. Times this by 26 and you’re at 148,200 km. The world’s circumference is 40,075 km. Just let that sink in. And that’s only the paper! I can’t imagine what we’d get to if we added the cardboard. Surely there must be a better way. (like a blue bin you throw stuff into perhaps? Or if you don’t like the colour blue you could make it red with a white cross or something) Anyway, apparently they refuse to take away your bundle if it’s incorrectly tied and they will track you down by checking for your name on the envelopes (or bits) etc. Devious! I will definitely try that out next week…Life on the edge.

This total mess is completely illegal. I was lazy and did not go back to check if it was collected or not, but if I was in charge I'd leave it right there. So disrespectful.

This hybid methodology is most likely also illegal.

Nicely done. Everything is tied up with good amounts of string.

Wow. Just wow.

But it does not end here. Because obviously we also have glass, aluminium cans, plastic bottles, batteries etc in this beautiful alpine country. Now luckily those don’t get tied up. Instead, you bring them to various recycling stations. How you get there is your problem. If you don’t have a car and are not a professional weight lifter you might need to go often. Tough luck. PET bottles and opaque plastic bottles (eg from milk) can generally be recycled at larger stores. So basically you take them there when you go shopping. Conveniently, if you shop online some stores offer to pick up your bottles yay. Aluminium and glass get recycled at your nearest glass station – each colour glass has a separate container. Easy, right? Don’t celebrate to early. You can only do this between 7 am and 8 pm Mo-Sa. On Sundays and public holidays this is NOT ALLOWED. Why? Well the glass generates too much noise of course. Says the country of cow bells and church towers at 6 am. I guess recycling works in mysterious ways. On the bright side, if you’re feeling desperate to try an illegal activity, it is super simple. All you need is a Sunday and an empty glass bottle and the fun can begin.

Switching gears slightly I need to also talk about a wedding-related incident. This time it has nothing to do with books travelling from churches to city councils but USB sticks travelling from the UK to Switzerland. The following occurred:

Our wedding photographer (the highly recommended Stefan Palmer) went to a post office and mailed us an envelope containing a USB stick with our wedding photos. Every day I eagerly checked our letter box (which btw says “Dres” on it – the plural form of “Dr” and something Swiss people apparently would never do. They basically practice reverse elitism here) Anyway. One day the postman rings my doorbell. I can see he is holding the eagerly awaited envelope. “I can only give this to you if you pay 150 francs” he explains. I knew things can be expensive here but that seems excessive. “I can’t tell you why – it just says here 150”. I obviously refuse to pay on the spot as I want to investigate further so he gave me a slip with the tracking number of my delivery. I decide to call the Swiss postal service hotline. A very friendly man answers the phone and after a short description of my parcel outlines the very simple situation: The clerk at the UK post office had entered a value of 1000 pounds (instead of 10.00 – so they’d basically forgotten the dot), which meant the Swiss customs office applied tax, which amounts to 150 francs. Unfortunately there is nothing he can do and he recommends for me to refuse the parcel, whereby it would then travel back to the UK and our photographer could then resend it. But I am not ready to give up. So I don my mask (wear a mask people- they work!) and trot to the nearest post office (thank god I don’t currently work…). I put on a very sad face and explained the situation to the lovely lady at the counter, whereby I emphasize the words “wedding photos” (casual sexism because that might work with a female… it does.) The outcome is that the envelope is sent back to customs with a detailed description of the situation. In an ideal world they would check the USB stick, apply common sense and remove all tax. Well my prayers are answered and a week later my doorbell rings again, this time with a different post man but the same envelope. He scans the barcode, asks for a signature and hands me the precious item. For free. HALLELUJAH. I go upstairs and open it. The doorbell rings again. He made a mistake. I hesitantly hand over the envelope for re-scanning. He confirms everything is ok and I go back upstairs to indulge in the photos. We send them around to friends and family. Everything is well. Until. The doorbell rings the next day. It’s yet a different post man. There was an issue with our most recent delivery and 150 francs are missing in their accounts. I stay calm and explain it’s not really my problem, I was handed the envelope by their colleague and they confirmed I did not have to pay. He looks troubled and asks if I could please go fetch the envelope for him to check?

I have the best answer to that request:

“I have already recycled it.”