1 month of Suisse - part 1

The title of this post is no accident – a mix of languages as it currently occurs in my head. For 9 years I lived in the UK. I functioned in English all day every day – bar the precious time spent with my German friends of our “Stammtisch”. Anyway the point is I have come to think in English, dream in English, write my diary in English. And now suddenly I’m back in Switzerland and confronted, every day, with (one of) the languages of my previous life: Swiss German. It feels, at times, discombobulating and I find myself a tad estranged. I wonder how long it will take until this feels like home again. In the meantime, let me tell you a thing or two about our Swiss experience so far:

1. All hail Bureaucracy

As we said in church two months ago:

Minister: Christ, have mercy upon us.
George and Cora: Bureaucracy in Switzerland takes the life out of us.
Minister: Lord, have mercy upon us.
George and Cora: We cannot deal with another visit to the Kreisbuero.
Minister: O Lord, save thy servant and thy handmaid.
George and Cora: Who put their trust in the Swiss authorities.
Minister: O Lord, send them help from the UK embassy.
George and Cora: And validate our marriage.
Minister: Be unto them, a tower of strength,
George and Cora: From the face of the Swiss authorities.
Minister: O Lord, hear our prayer.
George and Cora: And let our new civil status be confirmed.

Perhaps I should provide some context.

Upon arrival in Switzerland one needs to report subito to the Kreisbuero (local council office). This serves the purpose of registering yourself as a new resident, which, in the case of foreigners (such as my dear husband), entails some additional admin. Unfortunately we rented the flat for a number of weeks preceding our arrival but of course, did not sign up – as we were not in the country. So we get to our new residence and find, in the letterbox, two letters – one for each of us, asking us to pay a 130.- fine for not registering. My pulse immediately goes through the roof. I WAS NOT IN THE COUNTRY. We drop our bags in the empty flat and run over (quite literally) to the Kreisbuero. We get served by none other but the head of this magnificent institution. She is calm, friendly and very professional and we learn that since we were not in the county, the fine gets waived and we only pay an admin fee of 20,- each. Thank you God. However, upon attempting to register we encounter a challenge: Our marriage certificate will not be accepted. BUT WE GOT MARRIED IN A CIVILISED COUNTRY. IN THE EU. Nope. Not civilized enough. Please validate this document at the Swiss embassy in London. Until then I cannot register you as married. Obviously it’s not her fault so we remain composed but my pulse reaches a novel high. We dash out of the office and get on the phone to the Swiss embassy in London. Or let’s say, attempt to. After 45minutes of debatable musical entertainment I decide to try my luck with an email. Within an hour (!) I get a reply. (So there is one person serving the phone and everyone else is doing emails?) Yes, we need to validate our marriage by filling in this form as well as sending in our original marriage certificate and George’s original birth certificate both of which SHALL NOT BE RETURNED. ARE YOU TAKING THE PISS? I CAN PROVIDE RETURN ENVELOPES. Nope. This is the standard procedure. Please order extra copies from your local council. SWEET JESUS. FINE. George goes online and finds out there were two other George Robertses born on the same date as him – but only one with his special middle name, so he can order an additional birth certificate directly to the Swiss embassy. I try the Cambridge City Council for an additional marriage certificate. There’s a pretty straightforward looking form where you type in your name (just as the birth certificate one) and it should in theory show the possible marriages you could be part of. I opt for Cora Olpe as I believe to be the only person with this name in the world. (I know, I’m special). Blank. Pulse jumps again. I click around and end up in the FAQ section where I learn about the following incredible situation:

If you get married at the council then your marriage will be entered into their database immediately. It is, however, a different story if you chose to tie the knot in church. There, you sign the register (a book) at the church and the book STAYS AT SAID CHURCH UNTIL IT IS FULL. Only then does it travel to the council to be added to their filing system.

Let that sink in. What if the church burns down? Someone decides to take the book as a souvenir? Holy water spills over it rendering the writing illegible?

Wow. So I cannot order an additional copy until 1 million other people decide to get married at Corpus Chapel? Which, with covid-19, will probably take another 200 years?

Luckily not. Turns out the priest can send additional (certified) marriage certificates (she replied to my panicky email within 1 hour!!!). All is well. She is super efficient and gets them in the mail the next working day. As it stands now, we’re waiting for the embassy to validate our documents and inform the civil office in Basel (my place of birth) which will then confirm our new civil status with our beloved Kreisbuero in Zurich. Amen.